So this start of summer has given me some time to connect. Being out of school has given me this whole new light, and I've come to realize that school has bred this sort of duality within me.
There is a part of me that does the whole Wash U school thing (aka gets good grades, has drive, gets an internship, goes out, etc.) but there's something within me that knows part of this persona ain't authentic.
Being authentic means being raw, candid, real and that also means being vulnerable.
It's so perplexing to me how we came to this earth with one mission: to be this pure, authentic beam of light with a unique gift and passion self that we were created to be, yet this is the #1 thing every human struggles with - being real.
And the reason why every single human struggles with showing the world their true passions and desires is one thing:
R E J E C T I O N.
Yep, I said it. Everyone fears rejection, no matter how successful or 'cool, calm, n collected' a person seems. Rejection sucks in all forms, and we get to know this from experience (internship szn whuddup) especially when it is based on something as sacred as showing your true self. I get it, it gets vulnerable, scary, intimidating, whether we realize this consciously or not.
So instead of risking the chance of rejection, our brains do this really smart thing and try to fit in, to go 'undercover' hoping that if we follow what everyone else is doing (that means your Friday night plans, what your major is, who you're friends with, what you're wearing, etc. etc.) then it is nearly impossible to get rejected, right?
W R O N G. It seems that however careful we are to fit in, or not cross boundaries, we still face rejection. But not only rejection, on top we get piled on a whole other mess of confusion and doubt. When we aren't listening to our authentic truth, we wonder what the heck we're doing with this life. Where we're going. What's the purpose, etc. We have this nagging feeling that something isn't right. That there must be more to life. We get lost, very, very lost.
And to be honest I'm speaking from experience. In high school, I thought that if I had the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect instagrams, I'd be good to go.
I followed the "cool thing," which led me to a dope time modeling for a few years, but this also led me to a nasty eating disorder. I was trying to please so many people that I never checked in with myself. I was so far from my authentic self that I had no clue who I was when I wasn't punishing herself with workouts... but I had the cool glam life....?
I thought I could save myself from rejection. Nuh-uh.
The New Thang
So what if we tried something: Don't give a fuck.
I know, easier said than done. Seriously. But lately I have been so intrigued by those viral Facebook videos of people who are dying's biggest regrets or 'what I wish I would have known when I was 20/30/40.' And it never fails that the #1 regret is not going after what you want. We spend so much time worrying about what other people think that we waste our lives away not living for ourselves. It's time to say FUCK IT and go for your dreams. Cliche, whatever. If not now, when?
NOT going after our passions just to please other people is just wasting time. Only you will die with you.
You've got your whole lifetime to live with yourself, but people will come in and out of your life, and I know you already know this - I mean, I'm sure a majority of the 1354 people in middle school that you were worried about 'looking cool' for don't give a shit about what you are doing today (no offense).
Its exactly the same way right now. Most of the kids in class probably don't even care what your doing when you think they do. The reality is that everyone else is so worried about themselves, we barely have time to blink in the direction or another.
So let me ask you, is it worth it?
Is it worth it to disconnect from your T R U T H and follow what everyone else is doing? Maybe for temporary pleasure and the thrill of being young n reckless, yeah. It feels nice to be "cool" according to other people's standards, but in the end, it might be that by being inauthentic, we're just wasting time.
I'm not the Dali Lama, and I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you that the people who I have met who are their most authentic, true selves are the most powerful, inspiring, attractive, and badass people out there. And they get shit done and go after their passions. They live according to their rules. They truly have no 'what ifs' and show gratitude to each moment. And they give zero fucks.
So what's stopping you? Live life for yourself, empower others, and go kick some ass <3
All my love,